Yes and No, no and yes, yes and no. Saying yes to everything vs. Saying no to everything… What’s the difference? Is there a difference? Does it matter?
A few weeks ago I finished the experiment Yes VS No. 10 days saying yes to everything followed by another 10 days saying no to everything. Going from one extreme to another to appreciate the differences and contrasts of a life dedicated to pleasing, the “yes”, and another dedicated to pleasing yourself, the no. Regarding conclusions, I would like to give myself a few weeks to reflect and see what has changed in my behavior and daily performances.
Firstly, this is the video of the end of the first phase, the 10 days of yes to everything. This other one belongs to the second phase, 10 days of no to everything. Today I develop the differences, contrasts, and conclusions of both, the mixture of everything.
Saying yes to everything vs. Saying no to everything was something I had to monitor. As in each experiment, I used a scorecard that allowed me to track everything each day. The parameters were explained in the previous reports, but the scorecard wasn’t, although you can find it here.
When I look over the scorecard, I realized I had more problems than when I practiced “yes to everything”. That would be one of the quick conclusions to appreciate.
Contrasts for Yes and No
Saying yes to everything vs. Saying no to everything has, of course, its variations, these are the comparison I found out:
- The “yes” exposes you, while the “no” releases you.
- The more you say “yes”, the more likely you are to break emotionally speaking. On the other hand, the “no” keeps your feet on the ground, it stabilizes you, pervades you.
- The “no” guarantees control, while the “yes” means letting go of that power.
- In essence, “yes” is synonymous with vulnerability, unprotected. On the other hand, “no” in one way or another, makes you more invulnerable. You raise a barrier.
- “Yes” makes you less valued, while “no” makes you more taken into account.
- Using the “yes” makes you abandon your priorities, the “no” takes them back.
- “No” is disappointing now to love later, many times. “Yes” is to love now to disappoint later.
- Giving a “no” when you should say “yes” costs less than giving a “yes” when you need to say “no.”
- People who know how to use “no” live more calmly inside than people who can only say “yes.”
- “Yes” for “no” people are complicated, as is “no” for “yes” people.
Yes and No, conclusions
And finally, the findings:
- Saying “no” to everything doesn’t make you a better or worse person, it only enables you with the ability to earn more time for yourself.
- Answering “yes” to everything gives you the opportunity to do new things. It makes you valid to be selected. If that’s what you’re waiting for, to be chosen.
- The discomfort that I have felt saying “yes” to everything, I didn’t feel when I had to work with the “no.”
- More “no” more loneliness, more “yes,” more people around you.
- The most important thing I have learned from this experiment is not to learn to say “yes” or “no.” But to know when and how to use it, yes and no, both are powerful. The secret is to value it equally and then give them the paramount importance depending on the situation and person.
- Neither everything is “yes” always, nor everything is “no” always. As I said above, when you discover the extremes of both, as soon as you are aware of the choice and use of a “yes” or a “no,” you can recognize when you should use one or the other.
- After those 20 days of the experiment, I prefer “no.” You learn more, you grow more, and you use more than you do with the “yes.”
Yes and no, that’s to say, Saying yes to everything vs. Saying no to everything, both two effective but painful weapons at the same time.
Photo credit: Brett McFadden.